ANGER MANAGEMENT

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. (Proverbs 29:11, 22)

No one is naturally patient and forgiving. The danger of being given over to anger is a danger everyone faces. The Proverbs have a lot to say about anger, describing some of the triggers of anger, the results of anger and how to respond to those who are angry. If we made a list of the things that make us angry and were honest we'd conclude much of our anger is completely irrational. Granted, not all anger is bad or dangerous. Some forms of anger are warranted and even important, There is such a thing as righteous anger. Righteous anger is God-centered or Kingdom centered and is rightfully angry at sin and sins effects. Jesus was rightfully angry when he saw people using the temple as a place to make money rather than for prayer. So anger is appropriate when God, his truth and the worship of God are being threatened or dishonored. Think of it in terms of fire: what sets a good fire apart from a bad fire is purpose and control. Same is true with anger. But just like with fire, righteous anger can slip into sinful anger if we lose control. Proverbs 29:11 doesn't say the wise man is not angry, it says he keeps his anger under control. 

But there are forms of anger that are wrong and sinful! Such anger has 'self' at the center of its concerns, not the kingdom: therefore it is angry for all the wrong reasons. It's my way or the highway.  What happens when “my way” is not the way it goes? I punish everyone with a display of anger whether passive, aggressive or both! Or I bottle it up inside and it becomes a source of bitterness and discontent. We do not have to display anger to have a problem with anger. Remember that Jesus is after our hearts and that it is from the heart that the mouth speaks. We may keep our mouths shut for a while, but if we fail to drown our angry hearts in the life-giving waters of the gospel, eventually that anger is going to manifest itself with some sort of sinful action. 

This touches on another important issue about anger. We tend to think anger is everyone else's fault. Whenever David Banner became angry he would become the Incredible Hulk so he would always warn: "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." We need to admit that our anger problem is a problem with our hearts first, not a problem with the behavior of others.When we place the burden of our anger on the shoulders of others, we are using our anger to control and manipulate people. What we're saying is, "If I get angry and lose control its your fault, not mine! You will pay for it!" James 4:1 says: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? Your desires within are the cause of your anger. Don't blame everyone else for your own problem! Our anger not only affects those around us but affects us as well. Proverbs 18:7 says "A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul." Our own words spoken in anger towards others affect us negatively. Our anger will poison our hearts and can even turn us against those we love. It clouds our judgment and leads to all sorts of terrible words and actions. And it feeds on itself and produces more anger! 

So how do we bring our anger to the cross for healing? Don't focus on managing the anger itself: look deeper. What desires are not being satisfied? Are those desires God-centered or self-centered? If the latter, then they are misaligned. 2 Corinthians 5:15 says, "And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. Christ came to realign our desires form our selves towards him. But this requires that we get our identity from Christ also. He died for us because he is remaking us in his own image (Romans 8:29). Often our anger is the result of an identity crisis. For example, if we get our identity from our job and we get a bad review from our boss, we take it as an attack on our identity. The problem is insecurity. Anger recovery begins with looking to Jesus for our identity and security. Remind yourself of how mightily he has loved you in Jesus, know that you are secure in Christ because he loved you first, and you will not look to anything else for your identity - not to your job, spouse, kids or anything. Jesus defines you. And if he defines you then, it means you are all about living for his glory and not your own. Those old self-centered expectations will begin to fade away.The wise man keeps his anger under control only by the power of Christ! A wise man looks to Christ for that power!