Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)
Pop-psychology approaches issues like raising kids with the presupposition children are born as blank slates and their behavior is shaped by their upbringing or environment. Certainly environment does leave its mark, but this is not the whole story. The rest of the story is in the Scriptures. From birth we are already inclined to sin. Folly is moral corruption which is bound up in every child's heart even on his or her birthday. The word "bound" here means to league together, or conspire. What a grim picture of the human heart! Sin is already in league with you child's heart as part of a depraved conspiracy!
And the nature of this conspiracy is anti-God – already opposed to God and the things of God. John Calvin said, "All of us, therefore, descending from an impure seed, come into the world tainted with the contagion of sin. Before we behold the light of the sun we are in God’s sight defiled and polluted." Every human faculty, desire, motive, thought and action is contaminated, shaped and driven by this monster in our hearts. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure." (Jeremiah 17:9)
Unfortunately, many parents just don't understand the significance of folly being bound up in the heart of their children (or their own!) Even many Christian parents fail to get this. Yet they know this or that behavior is wrong and they feel they should do something about it. But what? Pastor and author Tedd Tripp writes, "Parents often get sidetracked with behavior. The problem is this: Your child's needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior...the things he says and does – reflects his heart." Part of our problem as parents is we just want our kids to be good, to listen, to obey and get good grades. Is that too much to ask? Actually, its asking too little! Understand he will not outgrow this monster. If the monster is not dealt with it only gets bigger and more ferocious. Folly needs to be driven from his heart!
Parents are you dealing with the heart or the behavior alone? The behavior is the manifestation of the contents of the heart and is a way into your child's heart. When addressing a behavioral matter, ask them questions. What made you do that? Why were you angry? What is this or that so important to you? Don't be afraid to call what they are doing sinful but always, always make sure you point them in the direction of Jesus when you bring up sin. Ultimately, the heart is what Jesus is after, not an outward manifestation of religiosity and good behavior. Your goal ought to be to show them their behavior reveals the contents of their hearts and that their hearts need to be cleansed by the blood of Jesus.
--Pastor Dave
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