In 2013, the former mega-church pastor and author Rob Bell sent shockwaves throughout the evangelical world when he announced, "I am for fidelity. I am for love, whether it's a man and woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a man." Rob Bell had already become a controversial figure with the previous release of his book "Love Wins" which questions the historical understanding of hell.
Since he made this statement, there has been an explosion of support. Some are writing books and launching campaigns, such as Matthew Vines, author of "God and the Gay Christian", and President of The Reformation Project which seeks to change the church's views on the subject. Mainline denominations have also changed their constitutions to include homosexual marriage. Of course this has met significant opposition from other Christians groups and denominations and generally "conservative" people who have petitioned in favor of the traditional view of 'one man and one woman'.
But all of this seems to be falling on deaf ears, sending many Christians and denominations scrambling for the silver bullet that will stop this movement dead in its tracks. Few substantial arguments (beyond the one man, one woman argument) have been offered for why the two views cannot exist peacefully or why homosexual marriage is not marriage at all.
How did we get here in such a short period of time?
Nothing happens overnight. We have been heading in this direction for several decades. Our ideas, beliefs and values always come home to roost. Many who are alarmed by the acceptance of homosexual marriage are quick to assign blame to its major supporters, but none of them seem to be aware that they themselves share the blame. What I am talking about is the deeply held belief that the chief end of man is the happiness of man. Everything in life, including God, are seen either as the means to achieve happiness or as an obstacle to that happiness.
Where did this idea come from? It is older than the U.S.A. itself. This view took hold and planted itself in our culture when our nation was born. We are simply reaping what was sown over 200 years ago. In his book, "The Meaning of Marriage" Timothy Keller identifies this as the Enlightenment and how it altered our perspective on marriage and life.
"During the Enlightenment...the meaning of life came to be seen as the fruit of the freedom of the individual to choose the life that most fulfills him or her personally. Instead of finding meaning through self-denial, through giving up one’s freedoms, and binding oneself to the duties of marriage and family, marriage was redefined as finding emotional and sexual fulfillment and self-actualization...In this view, married persons married for themselves, not to fulfill responsibilities to God or society." [1]
What is the meaning of this statement? Simply that God created man to be free, to be happy and to be autonomous. However, the "Creator" referenced here is the Watchmaker who created man and the world, wound it up and stepped away leaving man to determine his own destiny. All of this is foreign to the Bible, and bears no resemblance to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
"At the end of the day, there is very little difference between most heterosexual marriages and homosexual marriages. Both are built upon principles of personal happiness and individuality. Both are very, very wrong!"
My purpose in this post is not to throw stones at the founders of America. They were men of their time, and had many wonderful ideas that I agree with. But what troubles me is that so many in the "traditional marriage" camp do not even know what the Enlightenment was or how it has influenced their own views of life and marriage. Many who are fighting to preserve traditional marriage today see their marriages as a matter of their own personal happiness as well. Therefore, It should come as no surprise that the vast majority of arguments in favor of same-sex marriage appear to focus on individual happiness. The argument goes something like this: "Homosexual people deserve to be happy just like heterosexual people. It is only fair and right to extend marriage rights to gay couples." The driving principle of homosexual marriage originates with heterosexual marriage!
At the end of the day, there is very little difference between most heterosexual marriages and homosexual marriages. Both are built upon principles of personal happiness and individuality. Both are very, very wrong!
What then is God's purpose for marriage? From a creation standpoint, marriage is fundamentally about the beauty and diversity of God. We are made in the image of God, male and female. (Genesis 1:27). And when a man and woman come together in marriage they become "one flesh". (Genesis 2:24) God is "Tri-Unity", Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Each of these persons are equally God, but also distinct in several respects. Heterosexual marriage reflects this equality and diversity through gender. Different persons come together and are one. But if the two people are the same gender, it is like saying the Trinity is Father, Father and Father. Put another way: same-sex marriage is not simply a break with tradition, it is blatant heresy!
But heterosexuals are not off the hook on charges of heresy. The Scriptures also teach marriage displays the sacrificial love and grace of Jesus Christ for his Bride, the Church. Christ "emptied himself" for his Bride and became her servant. He bled for her that he might wash her clean. But seldom do we see this faithfully played out and realized among the so-called "traditional marriage" defenders. If marriage is made out to be anything other than the glory and beauty of God and the sacrificial love of Jesus, then it has departed from its purpose. When we treat marriage as a means to happiness and make it about ourselves, we destroy the purpose of marriage.
In his book "Bad Religion", Ross Douthat writes:
"It is the heterosexual divorce rate, the heterosexual retreat from marriage, and the heterosexual out-of-wedlock birthrate that should command the most attention from Christian moralists. The Christian perspective on gay sex only makes sense in light of the Christian perspective on straight sex, and in a culture that has made heterosexual desire the measure of all things, asking gays alone to conform their lives to a hard teaching will inevitably seem like a form of bigotry."[3]
He's right. Many heterosexual Christians have made such a mockery of God's design for marriage that they are in no position to point fingers at gays declaring God's disapproval.
Ross Douthat goes on to say,
"...a conservative Christianity that lets figures like Newt Gingrich and David Vitter serve as its public champions shouldn’t be surprised when its claim to be protecting the sacredness of the family falls on deaf ears." [4]
Where do we go from here?
I think it is important to note that the debate over same-sex marriage has little to do with marriage. It has to do with our purpose and reason for existence. It has to do with the character and nature of God. If we get these wrong we get everything else wrong. And we have been getting all of this wrong for a very long time.
Let me be clear that I believe God designed marriage to be between one woman and one man. I do not even view gay marriage as marriage at all, for the reasons I stated. The arguments about the happiness of the individuals or their rights under the Constitution are irrelevant and have nothing to do with marriage.
However, I agree with Douthat. The attention must first be on ourselves and where our own views and practices of marriage have fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus taught that we must begin with removing the log from our own eye before we attempt to remove the speck from the eye of another. (Matt. 7:3) Therefore, I suggest Christians do the following:
1. EXAMINE OUR VIEW OF GOD
Like everything, it starts with God. Our view of God will shape our view of ourselves and of our lives and Christians need to get back to a Biblical view of God. If we believe God is the cosmic guarantor of autonomy and individual happiness and little more, then we should not be surprised that so-called "Christians" are convinced God is just fine with homosexual marriage. This is why I am convinced Christians in America need to make the distinction between the "God" Americans supposedly trust in from the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. We need to get back to a biblical view of God before we can get back to a biblical view of marriage.
2. EXTRACT THE LOGS FROM OUR OWN EYES
Christians must acknowledge the damage they have done. They must repent of their own sins against God that have undermined God's design for marriage: sins like fornication, adultery, prostitution, pornography, *divorce, neglect, abuse and so on. But even these sins find their origins in the mother of all sins: "It's all about me and my personal happiness." We need to acknowledge that we have considered Jesus' call to discipleship not as a demand that we die to ourselves, but as permission to live as we please.
3. EMBRACE GOD'S PURPOSE FOR MARRIAGE
We need to repent for making marriage about us and return to God's design for marriage: a picture of the beauty and glory of God and his love for sinners in Jesus Christ. If Christians desire to make an impact on the world's ideas about marriage, they must begin with reforming their own ideas back to Scripture and living accordingly. Then the watching world will see what marriage was designed to be!
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[1] Keller, Timothy (2011-11-01). The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (p. 20).
[2] The Declaration of Independence http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html
[3] Douthat, Ross (2012-04-17). Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics (pp. 289-290).
[4] Ibid.
* I believe there are biblical grounds for divorce, but a vast majority of divorces are unbiblical and rooted in the individual's sense of personal happiness and fulfillment.
Well presented thoughts from a unique and significant perspective. Thanks
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